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Wednesday, April 30, 2003
I feel so fucking empty. Yeah, I know it sounds wierd. You know that saying: either you see the glass half full, half empty? I feel like my glass (symbolizing my happiness, my patience, my rational thinking, and my tolerance for other people's differences) is half empty. I don't want to study for my History exam, I don't want to be at this fucking college any longer, I'm so fucking tired of my roommate, I tired of being nice all the time ....everything is really shitty to me now. I discovered the moment of impact too - when all of this shit started working up inside me again. It was 1:00PM today when my roommate showed up again. There I was, alone for the last 3 days. I've never been happier in this shitty dorm as much as I have in the last 3 days. The moment I saw my roommate's face, that's the moment when I stopped think that my glass is half full, and started thinking my glass is half empty. My problems aren't even from inseccurities anymore. I fucking love who I am now...I'm totally comfortable with me now. Just ...I'm discovering that my happiness correlates with my surrounding environment. It only takes one thing in my world to be a little off, then(!) ...I'm in a shitty mood and I hate everybody. Right now, I fucking hate everybody. Because this change is a direct reaction to seeing my roommate's face today at 1PM, I blame it all on him.
The moment I see him back is the moment I realize I'm gonna have to put my happy face back on and be this neutral laid back guy. I'm not a laid back guy! I have opinions, I have a fucking backbone ...most of the time, I'm not happy. I'm a fucking human being! Hippies are not human beings. They deprive themselves from all the emotions they are capable of achieving. That hippy mentality pisses me off so much! It's not realistic....it appears so fucking fake to me. I will surely be glad when this is over Saturday night because I'm tired of writing about this stupid shit. Why are you writing about it if you're tired of writing about it? Because this is a fucking journal! I'm writing down my thoughts. I can't help but think of this, since it's effecting me to such a high degree. I swear! It's worst than High School. ¶11:47 PM e-mail me (0) comments (0) commentsBack To Blog top September 2002 / October 2002 / November 2002 / December 2002 / January 2003 / February 2003 / March 2003 / April 2003 / May 2003 / June 2003 / July 2003 / August 2003 / September 2003 / October 2003 / November 2003 / December 2003 / January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / April 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / August 2006 / October 2006 / December 2006 / April 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / November 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 /
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