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Friday, January 31, 2003
Get me out of this dorm room! Please! Someone help me! I can't take the confinement any longer. I feel like a dog that was trained to return back to its cage after its owner releases him. I feel like a hobo who has nothing left but a box; the hobo desperately wants to get out of that fucking box and live in a house, but there's no where else available. I feel as if my the toilet and having diarrhea is symbolic to my current situation - I want to get off of this toilet and enjoy my life, but I got the fucking squirts; I'm stuck on top of this damn toilet w/ a sweaty ass. I think you get the mofo-ing picture. Gosh, and the stress...the need to always be happy and open to talk to...the temptations cause by so much peer pressure...the fear of waking up and slashing a couple of throats b/c I'm tired of being too honest to people, or not honest enough....the hassle of constantly censoring what you say in order to not piss people off...the feeling of pure shit whenever I walk in the room and immediately I can't be myself...Bottomline, I'm tired of censoring myself so strictly. But I'm so scared to say the things I want to say for some reason. I'm hesitate what I say because of a fear that I will be perpetually alienated from that/those person(s). It's bullshit. Being political correct, and being the norm is bullshit! Why can't I say certain things freely without harsh criticism? Why must I simplify who I am to make others feel comfortable???? And when I do that, I feel uncomfortable. I'm the one who "suffers." They don't even realize what's going on in my head. I must be a damn good actor. I really hate pretending to respect people when I get the impression that they don't respect me. It's a waste of my motherfucking time, so why should I bother? The communications will never reach a level I'm comfortable on, so why bother? The only thing that makes me sane is [drum roll] music. It enables me to block out the outside world. It enables me to think about things I want to think about. I feel the freest when I have seclusion from the world. [warning: cliché up ahead] I feel like me. Seclusion gives me a chance to organize my often misunderstood thoughts; I can find out that I understood why I said what I said perfectly. I'm just a very misunderstood unstable person at times. The cure is seclusion for a little while...then I'll be able to put on my "pretty face" and make everyone happy again.
¶12:24 AM
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Thursday, January 30, 2003 I'm having a good day. I haven't been in a "talking" mood all day. I just had my headphones on all day pretty much. I met up with person after person on the street and had fun. I got Minority Report and watched that. I'll have that funny crap I wrote in History class up tonight or sometime...adios. ¶6:10 PM e-mail me (0) comments Wednesday, January 29, 2003 I'm working on a post for today...it's like a compilation of everything that has happened to me in the last 2 days. I had my ups...and downs, like usual. It should be somewhat enlightening. It's pretty warm outside, and that's incredibly surprising because it's been cold as heck outside for the last week. Good stuff. I've got to get lunch now - I didn't eat anything last night for dinner except some bacon egg & cheese hot pockets, and some beef stew in a can shit. Good stuff. I'm skipping Japanese and English today because I'm so tired of not being prepared for class and feeling like a complete dumbass. I'm gonna do something good and read a little out of my History book while I'm eating. I gotta do something, you know? Well...I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of tasty ex-lax. (Seriously, the food isn't food...it's ex-lax! After eating that crap, everyone craps that crap out. They do that crap on purpose to make sure no one has hard stools that would clog up the toilet. It's a conspiracy to save money on plumbing. Those sons of bitches! Maybe I enjoy having hard stools! They're taking away might right to shit out hard brick stool.) ¶12:05 PM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, January 28, 2003 ......what?! ¶10:33 PM e-mail me (0) comments Sunday, January 26, 2003 Hmmm...What's pissing me off at this very moment? [thinking...] I have this major Japanese quiz tomorrow, and this is a life or death situation. I'm a fucking dumbass when it comes to studying. I can't focus worth a damn! I put on my music, and crank it up loud so that I can control what my ears hear; that helps a little. But(!) - I have this cool iBook right there just seducing the hell out of me. "Touch my keys big daddy. Let me rock your world. I love it when you rub my trackpad." Ahhhh! Next! I had to do laundry today. I hate doing that crap! It's so stressful. On minor fuck up can ruin your whole wardrobe. It was so much easier when I could blame it on my mom for messing my clothes up. Next! I've got another program coming up...that's right. This time, I've got to make my DeckOfCards class make a card deck for the user. Then, the user will play a game of war with the "computer." And this crap is due this Thursday. Fun! Uh, lots of fun! Next! I hate the people who live above my dorm room. There's always bumping around and making an incredible amount of noise. What the hell is going on up there? I guess some people like it kinky. I think I've managed my time okay this weekend. I didn't hang out with any of my friends. Mostly because I could get in touch with them, but also b/c I had lots of homework. I'm starting to think my roommate could actually be cool! The more I know about someone, the cooler they become. Who would have thought that socializing would cause that to happen? LOL. Okay...if you didn't think that was funny, screw you. Go read someone else's blog because you will never understand my humor. (You see kids, that was sarcasm...and sarcasm is what "keddaris humor" is all about.) Anyway...play nice kids, I'm going to Disney World; which is a strange little place in my head where my inner spirit yearns to find evidence that proves not everyone in the world is fucked up. ¶9:41 PM e-mail me (0) comments I'm giving into conformity...I'm watching the Super Bowl. The commercials better kick ass! ¶6:19 PM e-mail me (0) comments Saturday, January 25, 2003 MadTV is so much better than Saturday Night Live! So so so so so much better. It comes on Saturdays nights at 11PM on FOX! Watch that you bitches! ¶11:29 PM e-mail me (0) comments I'm running out of stuff to do on the internet! How can this be???????? The internet has finally let me down. But if I was alone, I wouldn't never ever run out of things to do on the internet! ¶6:23 PM e-mail me (0) comments For the first time, I wish I had a PS2. Devil May Cry 2 just came out! I beat the 1st one one my sister's PS2. It was an amazing experience. The experience wasn't because I was playing a PS2 because quite franky, the PS2's controller sucks for that game. It was because Capcom is such a good game designer. ¶5:51 PM e-mail me (0) comments I figured out a similarity that links all my friends together. They, like myself, are people who have found their individuality. They are basically complete opposites of the person they would be stereotyped to be. So although all of my friends are totally different from each other, that's the similarity that links everyone together. We feel comfortable around each other beccuse we've had to overcome thos struggle against society. It's a pretty cool discovery. Maybe I think about things too much. ¶4:21 PM e-mail me (0) comments If you want to contribute anything for this site, or give me things to look at, click on my name 'Keddaris' in the lower left part of my site. I'm a interesting guy that likes to read and look at interesting things. ¶3:58 PM e-mail me (0) comments I have officially taken off my webcam section because there's no hope what so ever. Check back on that during my spring break (find out when that is by looking at my 'School Stuff' calendar). Whenever I'm at home, I'll my webcam link back on here. So...In the Projects section, I have given you a sample of things to come. I have updated Stats, and added a new essay in Opinions. I have put a v1.01 beta of my resumé in the, uh..Resumé section. I've been a busy bee for the last 2 and a half hours. Eventually, I'll have a mailing list you can join where I'll email you whenever there's major updates. Major updates. So I gues that's it. My goal for the next 2 weeks is to provide more diverse content for you guys. I've got lots of ideas, and it's going to take time ti implement them all. That's about it for now, enjoy. ¶3:33 PM e-mail me (0) comments Friday, January 24, 2003 "If you forget the pill, wear the patch." What a cool slogan for an alternative for birth control pills. It's a freaking patch that women stick on them on certain parts of their bodies. It's pretty cool. Think of the slogan from this point of view. In a sexy woman's voice.......If you're having so much crazy monkey sex that you occasionally don't have time to take one pill a day, wear this patch! Stick it on, and you can have protected sex as many times as you want! No longer do you have to suffer from your boyfriend pulling out and cumming all over your face, mouth, or even ass crack [insert giggle]. You're boyfriend's penis can cum like crazy inside of you - like God intended it to. If you forget the pill, [shout] wear the patch. 
...and even funnier, here are the pros and cons! Advantages very effective at preventing pregnancy your period is regular and predictable you don't have to interrupt sex to use the patch (yeah! monkey sex) the woman controls this method of birth control easier to remember than the pill Disadvantages you need a prescription it can come unstuck it may be less effective for heavier women (Aww, it's discriminating to fat women...someones going to sue these sons of bitches!) ¶11:55 AM e-mail me (0) comments What do you know...someone above is having sex. I'm so happy for those to bunny rabbits! ¶12:59 AM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, January 23, 2003 I'm now eperiencing one of my most challenging problems...I'm trying to listen to Japanese people talking while there's out-of-tune music playing in the background. Will I survive? ¶9:35 PM e-mail me (0) comments My little ears are seriously going to be solid ice when I get back. I got to go get something to eat, b/c I've starving. I spent an hour straight studying for Japanese, and then I'm not giving myself about an hour break before I start it back up. Sometimes I get jealous of all the people going out and partying....getting "fucked up" as a lot of people call it. "Hey man, let's go get fucked up!" I get very jealous. These people must not have anything to do. How can you "get fucked up" and expect to continue to focus on your work and make good grades? How can someone who paid all this money to go to college settle for average or below average success? What a waste. You people make me sick. At least "get fucked up" on the weekend! That's a little more reasonable! I might even "get fucked up" on the weekend, but not in the middle of the week!!!! Complete dumbasses they are. DUMBASSNESS. You made it to college, congratulations. Think of all the people who really want to learn some shit but wasn't able to get into college? You think they'd like the idea that someone who got their spot on the college admissions list is just "getting fucked up" all the time! You people are doing those unfortunate folks a dishonor, and you're annoying the hell out of me! You people suck ass, and wish all of you were dead. I don't need all this fucking peer pressure! I really don't. If someone ask me, "Come get fucked up with us!!!?" If it's a saturday, sure I might consider it. But if it's Wednesday, or some shit like that? Forget it! Got screw a pineapple you dumb fuck! I got classes tomorrow. I'm here to learn something first, then get fucked up - not the other way around. It doesn't work in that order you teenage mutant ninja turtle sounding bastards! "Dude!" I'm feeling a little weird about rooming with someone I'm friends with. Sure, we're friends based on a "see you when I see you" bases. Not a "see you 24/7" bases. I sure know one thing though...it'll be better than rooming with a complete stranger! I hell of a lot better. I'm cold now, so please give me sympathy. I don't have muscles, but not that much between the elbow and wrist of my arms...so that part of my body is getting hit with coldness pretty hard. And it's only 8PM, it's not even nighttime yet and I'm freezing my ass off. The snow was cool and all, but not at the expense of my body heat. I can't even type right without my fingers almost drilling themselves into the keys because they're shivering so hard. I hate this. And on top of that, I've got so much freaking homework! I'm taking just as many classes as last semester (18 hours worth), and I've got tons more homework. At least I'm doing it all. Well more than half of it anyway. I'm working on that part of me. I'm a really lenient person when it comes to setting goals for myself and not really caring whether I make them or not. Okay....27 degrees, interesting. I found this picture of my neice, and I'm going to put it on my wall somewhere. SOMEWHERE. I don't know. What seems to be famous around here is displaying a picture of your girlfriend/boyfriend as a way of bragging to other people who see this picture, "Look, I not single. I'm not alone. I have someone I can fuck regularly and you don't! HA HA HA in your face! You will always be alone, and I will always have someone who loves me! You're shit." Okay, maybe not braggin all that crap - but that's the impression I get. In every dorm room I've been in, BAM! There's a picture of the ol' misses back home. And they're girlfriends/boyfriends never go to this college. There always away in seemingly opposite locations in the state. So they brag about the relationship, but never get to see each other. It's very contradictory in itself. So, I'll be different and put a picture of my neice. HA! Screw you people with your perfect little relationships. ¶8:20 PM e-mail me (0) comments I stepped outside and thought, "Damn, I thought hell would be a little warmer than this!" ¶2:52 PM e-mail me (0) comments It's snowing!!!!!! In charleston! This is supposedly one of the hottest parts of South Carolina, and it's snowing. The freaking snow is sticking to the ground, and getting into all of my open orifices while I walk (very annoying). It's pretty cool though. ¶11:43 AM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, January 21, 2003 Nevermind RESNET. I figured out how to update my site. Who needs puny FTP anyway. ¶4:54 PM e-mail me (0) comments Finally, my headphones have arrived! ¶12:43 PM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, January 20, 2003 .....yo bitch, where's my sandwich? ¶10:50 PM e-mail me (0) comments We won the game!!! Yeah! Go cougars! (Yep, I'm still trying to show school spirit. As you can tell, just still a tad bit sarcastic to say in public.) My gap is coming back - the one between my two front teeth. I need to start wearing my retainer! It's so painful though. Hmmmm, I still got homework. Hmmmm, I haven't done it. Hmmmm, maybe I should start doing it. ¶10:42 PM e-mail me (0) comments below me ¶3:29 PM e-mail me (0) comments I know it says the webcam will go up today on my webcam section, but ....I can't get a hold anybody. I've been calling and calling, but no ones there. What a great service they're provding us (sarcasm). I have this site, and I'm trying to build it up some...and I can't do that. Again, the college promotes making websites, but then do not give us FTP access! What kind of crap is that? ANd then I'll tell them my site address and they'll say, "Well it looks like you're updating it to me." Of course I can update my blog! I'm using blooger to do it. That's a browser based service. I coded my site in such a way, that my blog and the rest of my content are totally independant of each other. I don't think that's incredibly hard to understand. So I called last year, they said they were going to call back...they never did. Gosh!! What? You don't won't students of the College of Charleston to contribute to the web's content? I just need FTP. I don't care about downloading music like everyone else does. I buy the music I listen to. I don't have any illegal mp3's on my hard drive anymore. The mp3's I do have that I didn't purchase are from websites that provided them freely. You are trying to provide us with the internet; however, you're treated us like children by limiting its accessibility. We are adults. If I really wanted to get mp3's and download movies for free, I would just go to my all of my buddies http sites and sftp servers. If I really wanted to share my music with people, all I got to do is upload it into my iDisk's public folder. There's a lot more alternatives than P2P file sharing. By putting a block on that crap, you're blocking all the people who would use that and FTP for legitimate reasons. I feel like a child, prohibited from having any form of responsiblility - any form of creative growth --- any form of expression that would help people understand what makes me tick. Taking these priviledges we are suppose to get from maturing is such a huge insult to my character. You people providing this resnet service should realize that illegal activity will alway exist. But there are some (like me) who want to legally take advantage of these technologies. It really is a shame. ¶3:27 PM e-mail me (0) comments One of my body parts has grown even larger. ¶2:58 AM e-mail me (0) comments Let's see....overall, today I got about %15 of all the homework I'm scheduled to do this weekend. At this point, I planned on having %50 completed but I got distracted. I've got a short attention span. We're out of school tomorrow (a.k.a. today), so I've got another day to get it done. I need to do laundry, and clean up my half of the room, and play some video games, and pick up my crap at the post office. Also, I need to take out half the money I've got in my account and mail it to my parents. I'm not totally feeling good with money orders. I don't like the idea of giving a store over 1000 dollars, and then mailing that money order off to my parents. I've got to talk to them again about it. There's go to be a better way. Maybe I can deposit it directly into their account(s). Whatever, I'll figure it out later. This is going to be the longest span of months where I didn't see my parents. They dropped me off Jan 7th, and I'm not going to see them until March 2nd. So this is going to be interesting. I'm really missing them, I'm just missing my room (once again). I miss my bed most of all! He's the order of things I miss about my room: 1. my perfect junior-sized bed 2. my privacy...I can't lock the dooor and I'm not sharing it with a [somewhat] stranger 3. my dual computer setup...I hook my iBook and iMac up together, and network those bitches! 4. did I already say privacy? 5. the ability to stay up as long as I fucking want to!!!! I'm an all nighter kind of person! On average, I go to bed around 3:30AM everyday regardless of how early I've got to wake up. With a roommate, and crap, that opportunity isn't there. 6. it's huge!!! My room is as big as my dorm room (minus the bathroom). If I wanted to, I could roll around in the floor. (I've done it before.) 7. oh, ....and PRIVACY! Well, it's time to buckle-up because it's time to finally take off with this studying and doing homework gimmick I said I was going to do. I hate making these expectations for myself, and not fulfilling them. It's like I'm lie-ing to myself. I've made a deal with myself: I'll only lie to everyone except me. I need some chapstick. Awwwwwww, that feels good. You know, there's nothing that feels better than putting chapstick on your lips after they're dry as hell. It's so rewarding and stimulating and stuff. (Of course there's better things, but I had to make a point.) Hey!!!!! Check out that metrod theme techno remix in my file sharing folder. It's pretty cool. I like techno. It's just interesting to discover how different chord progressions can make you feel a certain way. Techno is more than bass beating chaos. It really is an art. If you didn't realize it, analyze the fucker then. You'll see. Of course you'll need to know how to analyze music....sorry, I can't help you out there. It's better than that feel good optimistic trying to innovate but really imitating that 70s "I'm high" vibe by using acoustics along with the mellow drummer and also with lyrics that feature fucked up metaphors like, "you're body is a wonderland" bullshit. I know I know, that's a run on sentence. Of course all lyrics have metaphors, but not "fucked up" ones...lol. I swear, music is going downhill!! I can't wait until my ass is out there in the music industry. Oh yeah, I'm coming. And I'm not going to be the stereotypical black rapper, oh no. Honestly, I don't know what the hell my genre's going to be. It's going to be whatever makes me feel real. Fuck that feel good bullshit, it's all about feeling real. Um....I really need a piano in my room. Not a keyboard, a piano!!! I miss touching keys that actually have weight to them. I want to play in an orchestra w/ my trombone. I'm sleepy. My definition of a "hippy" is changed forever all because of college. My definition for a lot of words have changed...including bitch, crap, roommate, pimp, and coont. Roommate is the anonym for privacy, lol. Roommate can also mean the Anti-Christ, depending on your mood. Bitch doesn't mean a dumb fucked up girl anymore ...it means "women." Crap isn't what comes out of your ass, it's what you say that expresses frustration. Pimp is what you call a guy living in an environment where the women rule over the men 4:1. Coont is just a funny way of saying cunt. ¶2:55 AM e-mail me (0) comments Sunday, January 19, 2003 Becoming MP3-enabled changes the way you listen. Sample: Something radical happens when you disengage from physical discs and tapes, when you collapse the distance separating "rock," "jazz" and "world" in the record stores and view the collection as an ocean of possibility. Daily life gets a different kind of soundtrack, endlessly mutable and instantly reconfigurable. I can't agree with this article more. ¶10:22 PM e-mail me (0) comments Here in my dorm...hot water is distributed on a first come first serve bases. So, it really sucks! I trying to take a shower now, and the water just will not get hot. There's some greedy bastards who live here when it comes to hot water. I'm sure there's lots of people who take hour long showers! People like that disgust me. ¶2:17 PM e-mail me (0) comments I'm taking that Zelda: The Wind Waker footage out of my public folder Monday, so you better get it while it's hot. It's taking up too much space in my iDisk. ¶3:11 AM e-mail me (0) comments I don't want to go to sleep :-( ¶1:40 AM e-mail me (0) comments Saturday, January 18, 2003 Our basketball team finally won another game! They lost the last 3 freaking games.....finally! It seems like the cougars are back in action. That game was pretty hyped. It was the biggest crowd I've ever seen there. Us pep band folk played our best it seems. SO much fun. And(!), we got a game Monday at 7PM - I got a busy ass schedule here. I'm watching the 3rd and 4th DVD in that Lord of the Rings Extended version 4 disc set, and it's just making love the movie(s) even more. I can already tell you that these 3 Lord of the Rings movies are going to be my favorite movies of all time. They're that good. I've never experienced any theatrical presentation as good as these movies. Hmmm...I guess my roommate went back home. He's hasn't shown up. Oh well...must be fun going home and all. I'm stuck here in the fucking cold! Our room doesn't have any emitting heat, and this weekend has been the coldest yet! Yesterday, it was in the low 20s. Blah blah. ¶10:04 PM e-mail me (0) comments Shooobedooowop! ¶1:57 PM e-mail me (0) comments Whenever I go in the bathroom and know there's no bod in there, I still think..."What if there's somebody in there?" Whenever I'm in the bathroom, and the shower curtain is um, spreaded (so that you can't see the tub, I wonder... "What if I've got a stalker who's waiting in the tub that's going to jump out and strike me in the back with an axe? ¶12:55 PM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, January 16, 2003 I don't think I'm going. I forgot about some homework crap. Sorry peeps. ¶10:39 PM e-mail me (0) comments Alright, no more forwarding to colddogbra.s5.com ....it's tbonefever.net all the way. Okay...I've been in a damn good mood all day. I don't have one thing to complain about. None what-so-ever. Isn't that amazing?? Oh...there's one thing. My headphones are fucking up. The left channel is finally alright, but the right channel is a little retarded. These are earplug phones, so you jam these babies in your ear. Well, I shoved the right one in there and the sound comes out of the other side. It's coming out of the opposite side!!! I don't know what the problem is. The left side was doing it, but I did something that made it all better. I don't know what the hell I did, so it really sucks. So I'm a little frustrated about that. Ummm.....I'm very behind in my Music Theory 2 class, I've got to catch up. I'm planning on going to a party tonight. It's one of those drink beer, get drunk parties. I'm planning on it, but I might decide to be responsible and not go - I'll tell you what I decide later. ¶4:43 PM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, January 14, 2003 I really need to finish this fucking program!!! ¶2:57 PM e-mail me (0) comments My college is showing The Ring to us students tonight, so that's pretty cool. It's going to be free by the way. I've already seen it (for free), but I really really want to see it again. ¶2:50 PM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, January 13, 2003 And another thing...I'm such a friendly person! How dare you fucks underestimate that! If I show indifference towards you, that's only because you showed it to me back in the day. I'm not going to make effort to communicate and throw my thoughts out into the air if no one's going to bother and catch 'em. Who's disrespecting who here? Look at it from all perspectives, not just from a narrowminded ignorant one! ¶6:42 PM e-mail me (0) comments I really hate when I say hey to people, and they don't give me that same level of enthusiasm. At least look at me! I hate dumb fucks so much. It makes me wonder why I'm so nice to people all the time regardless of how much they treat me like crap. Although....I know that the moment I become "mean," my life will be one full of hatred. I'm really trying to avoid that kind of life. You people better stop fucking up my mood, my vibe. Saying a timid "hey" or doing the hand wave thing is one thing...completely ignoring me is fucked up. ¶6:36 PM e-mail me (0) comments Sunday, January 12, 2003 So...I studied a little Japanese today. I'm getting it I guess. It's just a lot to take in, and this new professor is expecting a lot. We go over some words in class, and by the end of the class he thinks we should already know what the hell they mean! It's only a 50 minute class. Blah blah blah, I know I'm bitching. I've got this program to finish by thursday. I'm doing okay with it. I finished my very first class, complete with constructors and a toString method. Though, it does't work yet. Still some bugs I need to work out. It's freezing in my room right now. Usually it's cold, but it's never freezing. I have a newly found respect for ice cream. I guess I need to read a little out of my History book, but I don't want to at all. History is such boring shit. ¶10:31 PM e-mail me (0) comments Our basketball team got their asses kicked yesterday. This make the second time this season we got beat. I'm started to slightly loose faith. Of course, the pep band played. It was a lot of fun. After the game, I ate lunch with a friend; then we decided to go see the Women's basketball team play. Again, we got an asskickin'. We were up 20 points, and they came back in the 2nd half and won. Afterwards, we listened to music and watched some computer animations ( joecartoon.com ) ...then ordered pizza. It was fun. Better than being stuck in my dorm with pure evil. When I got back to my dorm, I really wanted to play a game or two and watch some Anime cartoons. My roommate must of been tired of something, so it didn't happen. No biggie; it'll just make my summer break even more enjoyable (and the rest of my life). The more problems you have in life, the better your life will be when those problems aren't around. I've got to look at the situation from that perspective, no matter how overly-optimistic it is. ¶1:02 PM e-mail me (0) comments Friday, January 10, 2003 Wow...the first week of college is over. ?? ?? ?. I got so much crap to study for, but I do not want to do any of it! I want to say, "Screw it!" ...but, I shouldn't. It's kind of interesting that I'm currently finding out more about myself: the way I think, why the hell am I like I am, etc. Whatever. I got a basketball game tomorrow, so that's going fun. We got another trombonist, so that makes 6 now! That's beautiful. I got a haircut today...I could deal with all those shitlings on top of my head, DAMN! I've bought like 5 CDs, but don't worry. On Amazon.com, they have new (and used) CDs for between $2-$10. I got 5 for $30, and would have normally cost me $80. Check it out. You wouldn't expect it from my initial impression, but I'm a really outspoken person. In english today, nobody wanted to speak up about shit. It's not that freaking hard to talk! This teacher of mine will literally stand there for 5 minutes at a time and just stare at us until someone speaks up. I can't stand the silience! Finally, I'm like..."Damn! I'll go!" (See, in college you don't get suspended for cursing.) That situation occurred several times. It's amazing how timid most students are. I've got opinions, and I'm sure a lot of you guys have opinions also...so when someone ask you for your opinion, just fucking say it. From my experience, I've felt better speaking my mind than just leaving it in my head. Because...everytime I think back to that day, I would have wished I said something. In the long run, it just kills you! I've been killed so many times. Not matter how stupid your opinion may be, just fucking say; who cares. And if it pisses a lot of people off, the anger doesn't last that long. And if you just make these arch-enemies, no biggie...it just means you've really touched someone in a special way...you've gotten feedback. Feedback is what I live for. ¶9:05 PM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, January 09, 2003 Well, the existence of my world being "happy" is over. The world sucks again. I've got lots of homework. The end. ¶12:37 PM e-mail me (0) comments Wednesday, January 08, 2003 Well...I'm back in action, so to speak. 5 classes in a freaking row. It's a very hellish environment for me. I didn't have too many problems. The only freaky thing is that I'm the only guy in my English 102 class so far. Out of 18 people.....there's 17 girls, and me. That's pretty cool. I met a couple of friends that I've missed over the break, and met so many more! I'm so surprised at myself. I'm not insecure about socializing anymore. I met this one girl, and for some reason we really hit it off. I didn't hit any part of her, I'm just saying we hit it off (there's a difference). Again...I surprised the hell out of myself. It's just been really fun today. For some reason I feel like I'm standing on that feather in Forest Gump - I'm just standing on it while it's floating all around a town. On top of that cool feeling, I've got all this work to do. I'm choosing to take 19 hours again. Why not? I did it last semester with a moderate study habit, and got a 3.152 GPA. I wonder what I'll do this semester when I actually study a lot?? I can't wait. I'm really trying to make the dean's list as well. I've got to get a 3.8 GPA which is hard as hell to do. I know I can do it though. I may sound a little strange when I talk, but that's only because I'm one smart motherfucker. Fuck modesty, I am. ¶6:41 PM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, January 07, 2003 I finally did it. I beat Metroid Prime. It's been a very very good ride. This game has been one of the best gaming experiences I have ever encountered. The only game that surpasses it on my list is Punch Out (an NES clssic). And the ending leaves it open for a sequel of course. A metroid named Metroid Prime is the last boss. That had to be the longest, most complex boss fights I have had in a long time. It wasn't just "beat the boss" ...it was "solve the puzzle." Each time something would happen, you had to hit it with a different "something" ...it took me forever to figure out what something and when. Not to mention changind the visors. I'm going to beat it again on hard mode and get all the missiles and things. I'm not going to do it all at once, just little by little. I'm just doing it because I have just now started learning the story. Metroid Fusion for GBA is kick ass too. Today has been a good day. Not only did Apple announce all those cool things, and I beat Metroid Prime, I also got all my checks in my account. "Excellent." So far so good. Not if only I could make the dean's list. That would be the icing on the motha-fuck'n cake. Another cool tidbit....(well to me anyway)...my laptop (iBook) and my Nintendo Gamecube have the same type of processors! It's based on the G3. I know that's useless, but who cares. School starts tomorrow, so that's going to be interesting. Adios. ¶7:30 PM e-mail me (0) comments I Love Apple!!!!!! click here ....yes, I'm double posting. ¶2:19 PM e-mail me (0) comments I love Apple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ¶2:18 PM e-mail me (0) comments Oh yeah...the MacWorld Expo is going to be live in about 30 minutes. I wonder what Apple is going to be releasing next? I finally made it to the last boss in Metroid Prime. It's so amazing. It's a multi-tierd, multi creature, multi-gun, multi-visor battle. It's very hard because the creature changes in its color (which lets you know what gun to switch to), and visibility (which lets you know which visor to switch to). It's so damn hard to switch between your visors and guns, and then blocking attacks. Plus! Saving up enough energy for the final confrontation. The battle is at least a 15 minute battle. I'm so impressed with Metroid Prime in its entirety. I think I just might do it over on hard mode. When you beat the game for the first time, it opens up a hard mode. Metroid Prime is just a very good gaming experience. I've been playing for 21 hours it tells me (and of course it's been longer then that b/c I've died before saving many times). Thank you Nintendo. Get your hands on this game at least once. ¶11:35 AM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, January 06, 2003 If you get a chance, check out Robin William's Live On Broadway. You will laugh. I haven't laugh that much in a very very long time. The first time I saw it, after his last bit...I was in tears. As for my financial aid stuff. I got my pep band check, and I'll be getting the rest tomorrow at 12PM. Then it's off to the bank. HA! Everything is going as planned. ¶6:13 PM e-mail me (0) comments Guess what? I'm back in college. Guess what again? I hate it...of course. It's okay, but I just got to get back in independant mode. I've got to do all this crap myself, me. I don't have my mom or dad to do them for me. I'm all settled in. Everything is looking great. They finally fixed a light above my desk (after 5 months), but now I think there's too much light in this room. I'm all ready to meet up with friends, and get my ass back out there...I just don't want to do it yet. It's one of those things when you would love to do something, but it would take someone kicking your ass out of the door for you to do it. That's the way I am about a lot of stuff...ok, pretty much everything. I've got to handle this financial aid stuff all by myself this time. I've got to go make sure I have the right books for all my 7 classes, and also find out when I will get my refund check. I've got to pick up my check for being in pep band ($250). Then tomorrow, if I luckily get all these checks in order, I'm going to walk all the way to Wachovia (a 15 minute walk to and from) to get this money into my account. So, I've got a lot to look forward to. School officially starts Wednesday...fun, fun, fun. ¶1:02 PM e-mail me (0) comments Friday, January 03, 2003 Well...I just got off work, and now I'm heading off with my sister to get some dinner. We're going to do that family bonding thing. ¶7:20 PM e-mail me (0) comments I love Apple. I just had to get that out of the way. They recently updated iCal and iSync, and they're so cool now! I love all these i apps, and I love my iPod. Everything is perfect. ...Anyway, I go to work tomorrow (or shall I say today?) at 11:30AM. This will be my next to last day of work. It's been fun. I'm going to miss everyone like usual. I've even had somewhat of an intelligent conversation with a manager that I at one time hated. He's pretty cool now. I want to go back to college, but then I don't. When I'm here at home, all I do is sit in my room, play video games and surf the net. Occasionally, I hang out with friends. That's pretty much what I do in college, except I have no personal time in my room. I really really need that too. I was going insane last semester. Just 1 more week, and I would have snapped; it would have been ugly. I don't know if I can keep myself together for yet another semester. It's all about getting comfortable with your surroundings. I was never comfortable in my room. The only time I was comfortable was when I went to pep band, or jazz band rehearsals. Even though I don't have control over my environment at those events, I still have fun. In my room, I don't have any control as well...but where's the fun? I just can't do the things I want to do when I want to. I've seriously considered bringing my tv with me, but I'm choosing not to. That would have only cause more problems. I've got options. Whenever I need to play a video game and the tv is currently being used, I'll just play with my GBA. I've got Metroid Fusion, and I'm getting that Zelda game...so that'll be a good replacement. Of course whenever I need to listen to music withouth disturbing anyone, I'll just listen to my handy dandy iPod. It's battery can operate it for 10 hours straight, so that's plenty of time to satisfy my emotions. Whenever I need to study, I'll also put some music from my iPod. I can't study when there's any foreign sounds in my environment. I would really get pissed off if I didn't have this iPod of mine. I feel like a ticking time bomb however. When I'm at home, I can let my emotions go in the car when I'm driving from place to place. I mean, I do it all! I sing, I scream, I dance...it would probably be quite amusing to look at. In college, I can't do any of that. All of that junk just gets bottled up, and it just accumulates. That's a very dangerous thing to do. Maybe I should just start taking long ass showers. Anyway...I'm looking forward to my next semester, even though there's more negative than positive. I can't wait until my Fall 2003 semester. My environment will allow me to act a lot more natural. ¶1:10 AM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, January 02, 2003 One of the reasons why I didn't want to use too many images for the last design of the site was because I wanted to look out for all those people on dial-up connection (like myself at the moment)...especially those still using a 28K modem. If you've got a 56K connection, you should have any problems because I made the size of the images pretty damn small. That's about it. Yesterday, everyone who was suppose to work called in sick. Apparently a stomach virus is spreadin around. Is that what they're calling hangovers nowadays? Stomach viruses? It was busy as fuck yesterday a well. There was an overwhelming amount of females working. At one time, I was the only guy...I hated it because all the girls would ask me to pick this up, and pick that up. You women want us to call you equals; but yet, don't act like it. All women are feminists hypocrits. All the work it took for you to let us men allow you in the work force, and then you're just going to act like weaklings. You are an embarassment to all the women who fought for shit during the Women's Movement. May God have pity on your souls. Anyway, after work...I was rather tired. I was listening to Linkin Park's Krawlin, so I was pretty damn emotional. It all ended of course. Here's a little background of the situation. There was no one ont he street driving except me. I was hungry so I was trying to get to MacDonalds before it closed. Anyway...to make a short story shorter, I was ::cough..singing...:: when all of a sudden blue lights were flashing behind me. I thought..."Okay, they'll go around." Well, they didn't. The police car was right my fucking ass. I looked at me speed odometer thing and it said 50mph. I though it was a 45mph stretch. So I pulled over, and the cop got out of his car. He did that thing I would see on TV all the time..."Let me see you license and registration." But he also said, "..and your insurance card." So that was a little wrong, lol. I got all that crap. It took me a while to find my insurance card. I gave it to him, and he went back into the car. Meanwhile...I'm sitting there, surprisingly I wasn't freaking out. It was at night so those blue lights were very bright. He should have turned them off, but nooooo...he's gotta "punish" me a little. Everyone driving by slowed down, and looked at me. I felt so dirty. Seeminglly 10 minutes later, he came back. He gave me a fine for speeding, and a warning for having an expired insurance card. It's a $105 fine. Now, this is my very first speeding ticket...it's that normal? Oh yeah, he said I was doing 50 in a 35mph limit...so that street's fucked up. Probably, about half the money I made today will go into paying this shit off...so I'm a little mad at myself for living in a society with rules. I'll tell my dad sometime today. My mom would freak out. ¶1:24 PM e-mail me (0) comments Wednesday, January 01, 2003 I'm now working out all the kinks on my file sharing page. When you click to download something, it takes you to a page that says "can't locate website" ...very strange indeed. ¶1:46 PM e-mail me (0) comments top September 2002 / October 2002 / November 2002 / December 2002 / January 2003 / February 2003 / March 2003 / April 2003 / May 2003 / June 2003 / July 2003 / August 2003 / September 2003 / October 2003 / November 2003 / December 2003 / January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / April 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / August 2006 / October 2006 / December 2006 / April 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / November 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 /
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