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Friday, October 31, 2003
Week's over. Hell's beginning. But not before my trip with a friend to a good old American football game tonight. It's probably their homecoming. It should be interesting seeing how tonight's Halloween. I really don't have any interest to stay here. It's literally like Mardi Gra! Nudity and sex acts in the streets and all (okay, just King St.). It was weird last year, I have no intention of experiencing that again. No no no. But it was fun watching the Halloween marathon they have here. All night long, Halloween movies. It's in the lobby, and every lays in the floor or whatever, and watch. It's a communal thing. No no no. (Whoops, that was premature negativity.)
So this weekend, I have to study for the biggest test I'll probably have this semester. It's Monday. That gives me 2 days! (Now you can insert that negativity you're so popular for.) No no no. ¶3:07 PM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, October 30, 2003 I feel great now. I had a Jazz Concert a couple of hours ago, and I sounded magnificent. My tone was beautiful...I was shocked by how different it sounded. Breathing. I take such shallow breaths that usually my sound is pussyfooted. This time around, I practiced not on the music but breathing. It helped a lot, and I have confidence and all that other good stuff. I have a HUGE test in my computer class coming up Monday, and I'm not even stressed out now. I have a HUGE test in my Japanese class tomorrow, and I'm not even stressed out. Because I had such a great performance, I feel like I don't have to worry about this shit. I can do it, no problem. I need to worrying about things as much as I do. No just academic-wise, but socially as well. Just don't worry about stuff...it's okay. Someone didn't react the way you wanted them to, so-freaking-what, it's okay. Shit happens over and over again. Over and over and over and over and over and over ?. Speaking of shit, I have to study now. Later freaks. ¶2:45 PM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, October 27, 2003 I'm listening to Korn right now. Why? Because I'm having the worst day. Sure...everything seems to be like every other day, but something is fucking it up for me. My fucking headache! It feels like someone has a chainsaw up in there, and they're just ripping everything fucking thing in site into itty bitty grotesque pieces of flesh and blood. All this fucking stress is driving me insane. I'm making a couple low grades, and I've got a test in a class next Monday for a class I don't really comprehend yet. Of course, I'm not to blame. It's the professor's fault. I'm going to go see him before hand to set some shit straight. I just need guidance, you know...that's not asking for much. Guidance. :::"The heart inside is beating, this shit's gone way too far...all this time I've been waiting, oh I cannot grieve anymore. For what's inside is waking, I'm not I'm not a whore you've taking everything, and oh I cannot give anymore. -korn, Here to Stay :::: Anyway, I hate this shit. This fucking stress. And then on top of it, I've gotta continue to be happy to countless assholes I see everyday -- "Hey, what's up?"; "What's going on?"; "Yes, I am totally interested in what you are saying, even though my life is crumbling into pieces." Yeah buddy. Korn is a life saver. What? You think I'm talking about it saving my life? Fuck no. Listening to lyrics like: I'm thinking of, Making all the fucked people Making the bitches I love Make them die and go away Pain from the start All my dreams are ripped apart Thanking all the fucked people They are all the things I've saved really allows me to let out all this anger before I take it out on all the innocent but equally fucked up people in the world. Yes, everyone is equally fucked up. You say you can't compare apples and oranges...fuck yeah you can! They're both fucked up, or in the process of being fucked up. They both spoil. Every single person out there is either an apple or an orange, every single person is spoiled. That's right kids. After around the age of 3, people are forever spoiled. They are forever fucked. Isn't it nice to know life is always gonna be fucked up for you? No matter how successful you become? Having ambitions really does feel like a waste of time once you put all this shit into perspective. ¶3:04 PM e-mail me (0) comments Saturday, October 25, 2003 I was planning on going to the Japanese Club's presentation of Perfect Blue, but I really don't feel like going anywhere. It's just one of those nights. Earlier I was going to a band competition in Columbia, SC but my friend couldn't go. He was my ride. That sucks balls. So any fun I was going to have today is ruined. No fun tonight. My roommate's going somewhere, so I'll have an hour or two to myself; a time of reflection I like to say (or was that a time to kill?). Fun. Something I never seem to be having. Something I crave, yet frequently deny myself. Studying. That's what I'll do on my Saturday night. Studying. Something I always suppose to be doing. Something that's not fun. Having fun is so abnormal to me now...it's funny when you think about it. All I do is sit in this boring room and watch tv. Every once in a while I'll play a video game. Sure, that's fun...but it's the kind of fun I'm tired of having. I haven't really played video games in 2 weeks now. I'm just tired of them. Sure they are satisfying, but they're not satisfying my cravings. I want to hang out with people and feel like I belong. Sure I'm hanging out with people, but these people and I are on totally different thought processes. It's feels like it's pointless to make an effort - it feels like I'll never find the types of people I'm comfortable hanging out with. Sure I've got a friend here and there, but there's no posse. Back at home I have a posse, lol. Here, I have no posse what-so-ever. I also don't get any posse (buahaha...come on, it's funny). Oh yeah, I was talking about studying. I really need to do that, so I guess I'll go ahead and do it. This is what studying does to me. ¶6:55 PM e-mail me (0) comments  You are Cypher, from "The Matrix." Selfish, disllusioned, you are misguided at times. You deviate from the "right" path. ¶5:41 PM e-mail me (0) comments Panther is the coolest OS out there. Fuck Windows XP up its ass. Apple has the coolest hardware, and for the last 2 years the best operating system (not to mention they make the coolest software). All of this coolness makes me proud to be a Mac user. ¶10:45 AM e-mail me (0) comments Friday, October 24, 2003 no sense of humor. I've been beating myself over why there's people I know who seems to ignore everything I say. Before now, I've been thinking I'm the one with the problem. I always thought, maybe I'm not giving off enough confidence so that's allowing people to run all over me. That's not the case at all. They are the ones with the problem not me. Whenever I say something, they ignore it. I don't know why they do it. Whenever they're talking (which is a lot), I listen. Even though most of the time I don't care. I've come to the conclusion that these people are selfish conversationalist. Meaning, they want every conversation in their presence to be about something they are interested in. They don't want to share the topic with other people. I really hate people like that. They put me in such a bad mood. I've even tried to ignore them, but it's so rude to do such a thing. So what's the solution? How do I get these people off their high horses and care about what I have to say? I got it. I'll just say it anyway. I'm used to talking to myself all the time, so what's the difference. On that subject, I'm used to be being by myself so why should it matter? Why should I be apprehensive about other people? Life sucks. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. ¶10:05 AM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, October 23, 2003 After today, I'm starting over. All of my work habits are going to change. Everyday, I will study something...even when it seems I have nothing to study. I'm tired of feeling like I've been performing worse than I'm use to. You know what else I'm tired of? Being uncomfortable being myself in my own room. I'm just tired of being alienated from it, so I just stopped. What am I talking about? My humor. Also, I'm tired of people acting like whenever I say anything it doesn't matter. On a daily bases, I say something (trying to spark a conversation)...and I'll be lucky to get a "eh" in return. Now it's eating time, then study time. Sayoonara. ¶1:00 PM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, October 21, 2003 Me I'm very tempted to buy those two...used of course. If I do, I'll let you know so I can kindly give you copies. because I'm your bitch.. Bill haha...thank you so much bitch i dont understand why you buy and then just wnat to give away the CD's Me I don't know. ... I do this because when a friend has some music I might like...I expect them to do the same. Bill tru...but still Me but I don't care it they don't. I like giving people music. I think it's the best kind of gift. Bill i like that idea...RIAA doesnt theyre coming for you Neo knock knock Neo... Me I think music is one of the most influencial things in a person's life. And to think that I had something to do with fucking someone up. It's great. RIAA can kiss my ass. This has been going around for years. Even the fact that Amazon.com is selling used CDs. The artist/recording companies aren't getting anything from use buying them. Yet...it's still happening. Bill damn...i was hoping someone was going to knock on the door and scare you shitless Me what's the different between buying it from someone and getting them for free? In both cases, the RIAA isn't getting any money. Bill lol..well theyve been compensated for the initial sale second way is less illegal Me well, yeah...they have. Same as Kazza though. Somewhere somehow...someone had to buy the music before putting in on Kazaa. they got compensated. Bill yes but then they give out MANY MANY copied Me no telling how many times an album as been continuously put back on amazon.com for sell. People buy it used, and then sell it again. And it gets bought many many times. amazon.com is just as bad as Kazaa. It's worse because not only is the RIAA not getting compensated, but the people sharing ARE getting compensated! Is that fucked up? 12:20AM isn't that fucked up? you be the judge. no, I'll be the judge. IT is fucked up. Bill what shall you bob? Me the album not only is getting shared while compensating the sharees, these people are also putting these tracks on Kazaa...which in turn, spreads it all around. Nice and juice. *juicy Bill haha i gotta run...sorry to cut ya short just keep typing though after im offline ¶12:31 AM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, October 16, 2003 Do you know what the phrase people say on campus more than anything else? "What's up? I'm am annoyed because I feel like I'm forced to say that over and over again once I step outside. Okay, there are people that I know and people I don't really know but I say "what's up" to anyway. Well, that doesn't matter because the people that I know say "what's up" to me too. All in all, there's about 10-20 people I'll see walk by me that I either know or don't really know. I am forced to say "what's up" all those times because it's rude to not return a "what's up". But, it's exhausting. It really is. From this day on, I'm going to make a conscious effort to avoid saying "what's up" to people. I will resort back to the retro-saying, "hey [insert name]" - that's sufficient enough. I'm going home tomorrow. If you check the calendar, you'll know what's up in my life. Change the view to -month- in order to get a better view of everything. ¶6:01 PM e-mail me (0) comments Wednesday, October 15, 2003 My Discrete Structures professor is the worst professor in the world. He is too technical in the way he explains things. A function f from X to Y is one to one if for each y that exist in Y there is at most an x in X such that y=f(x). What??? Do we get a watered down analogy? Fuck no we don't. He tells us that bullshit, and then give us homework. A good professor would give us a cute little analogy that makes us say to ourselves, "duh!" This guy sucks. Today we had a midterm exam. This is what he does. He tells us what's not going to be on the test, and then he puts it on the test! We studied what he told us to study, and then today I find out that that shit isn't even on the test. How stupid is that? He better give us a curve or something, because I'll be pissed otherwise. Life sucks. I'm stressed out. I need a break - and what do you know! I have one this weekend. I'm going to have low grades, but I've got plenty of time to bring them up to a B. It's so much work here, I hate it. It's not rewarding yet. I'm tired now, I need a drink. ¶12:14 PM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, October 14, 2003  What Inuyasha Villain Are You? ¶12:49 AM e-mail me (0) comments  What Anime Stereotype Are You? ¶12:35 AM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, October 13, 2003 It's pizza time. Leftover pizza time that is. [20 minutes later] piza wa oishi desu! Yeah, it was good. Pizza is the best thing to happen to humanity since the rise and fall of Jesus. Of course, that's excluding middle-eastern muslims. Those bastards can burn in hell. Which is what they're kind of doing because the average temperatures over there span from 100 to 126 degrees Fahrenheit. I wonder if anybody else has thought about how ironic that is? So, I have 2 classes today. 3 if you count pep band. Shit! I've got to study for my test in Discrete Math on Wednesday. I'm getting together with a friend (supposedly), and we're going to get freaky with propositions - oh, yeah. I need to get dressed now. Looks like I'm not taking a shower before class. Who cares. I'll take one later today. As long as you put on enough deodorant, you're not going to smell (that bad). There's this guy next door who literally goes a week before taking a shower. Now, that's pushing it. ¶11:57 AM e-mail me (0) comments Sunday, October 12, 2003 Wow. My site isn't that changed. It's just more refined. It looks more prepared for additional sections and features. I did away with the counter because it's too depressing to see how suckass the number of hits I'm getting is, let alone let whoever come to this site see it. I want to open up this Desktops section, but the problem is that I only have 1 finished desktop to give to the world. I guess one is enough. My plan is to upload atleast one a week. It takes forever to make a desktop picture you've created perfect. You like the little image on the left? That's suppose to be me on one of my good days. Yeah, I looked coked up...what's it to ya? For those of you who was lucky enough, that character was the guy that was features in my first Flash movie. I will never make that thing public, it sucked so badly. I'm ashamed. Photoshop is becoming second nature to me. My knowledge of it is growing somewhat exponentially. Which is a good thing. I'm asking other artist if I can put some of their drawings/touchups on the site...you know, the ones I like. So whenever they respond...woo hoo! More content for me. I'll just put them up, and be sure not to take the credit for it. When I don't know the artists' name, I'll just put "by unknown" ...I think that's fair. Besides, I'm sure people wouldn't think I'm that talented, lol. BECAUSE I'M NOT! Not yet anyway. So, I would have been done with this update earlier, but I couldn't focus. I didn't do any fucking studying this weekend, I'm sure that's going to bite me on the fucking ass. I should have atleast read chapter 4 of my Assembly Language class. Tsk tsk, lol. Hopefully, I won't make too many c's on my report card. I haven't played DDR in like 3 days! That's amazing, considering how big of a DDR nut I am. But ...I'm disappointed in DDRMAX2. I'm already done with unlocking all the songs. It was too easy. Maybe I'm just good ...maybe the game sucks. Who knows. I'll continue to play it though. There's a few songs that I'll never tire of stepping to (Maxx Unlimited) ..okay, I might get exhausted but that's different. time to watch Adult Swim on cartoon network. I'll try to clean up my favorite links later. I have a bunch to weed through and discard. It'll take me a while. Feel free to look at the music I listen to, and go to the sites I go to on a daily bases. THIS SITE IS TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHAT I'M ALL ABOUT. You're not going to learn anything about me if you're not trying. To be fair, I don't really have a lot of content up on this thing but still. Explore. Get into sections you're not suppose to get in. Check my Public Folder on a regular bases. You never know what I'll put in there. You'll never know what I'll post about. You'll never know how honest I'll get with you. You'll never know. ...that should be enough reason to check back. Walk with me as I show you my world. ¶11:02 PM e-mail me (0) comments Saturday, October 11, 2003 I hate changing the look of my site. It's so much work. :-( ¶1:49 PM e-mail me (0) comments Friday, October 10, 2003 This weekend, I'm aspiring to start a new section up. Wish me luck. Hopefully within the next month, the # of hits I get will go up. Then, Oct. 22 I'm aspiring to open up another. So ha ha motherfucker. ¶4:54 PM e-mail me (0) comments Tuesday, October 07, 2003 I love fishes cus they're so delicious. Okay, I'm lying. I hate fish (salmon's the exception). I'm just bored so I'm writing a little post. Later. ¶10:21 PM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, October 06, 2003 Problems. No, I'm not talking about me discovering my parents have been reading this site for the past year. If reading this shit makes them uncomfortable, don't read it. That has been my motto for years. My mom even told me not to write about certain things. This is my form of self-expression. This is my freedom of speech. I'm 19, you can't censor me anymore. Anyway (since that issue isn't important to me at all), this is the problem. I don't feel comfortable talking to my friend anymore. No, I'm not discrediting his communication skills. I'm pretty sure, it's more in my head than his. But still, in order to be my friend, you've gotta at least TRY. In order to be my friend: (1)listen to what I have to say and respond dammit, and (2)I may say crazy things a lot of the time but that doesn't justify speaking to me in a condescending tone. Wow, and that's it. 2 easy steps to maintain a friendship with me. When 1 of those steps are broken, it's okay. When both of them are broken, we have problems. Problems meaning, I just stop talking to you. Nothing personal. Until you make an attempt to reconcile, I will not act like I'm fucking cool with it all. I don't even feel like bringing it up to a person like that. They'll just be full of themselves and condescending - yet again. ¶10:14 AM e-mail me (0) comments Saturday, October 04, 2003 "There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't." That's somewhat hilarious! If you don't get why that's somewhat hilarious, then I guess your 01 of the 10 people who don't get it. ¶12:57 PM e-mail me (0) comments I've probably said this a million times, but: one thing that pisses me off is when someone is looking at my computer screen over my back. Don't fucking so that! What the fuck is your problem??? Get a damn life. The feeling it gives me is similar to maybe...someone holding a camcorder and watching you undress. It's just a violation of privacy. It really is. I hate people like that. I'm not saying any names, but I'm talking about someone I've seen everyday since late August. ¶12:41 PM e-mail me (0) comments Friday, October 03, 2003 I went to the mall today. Played some DDR. Fun fun fun. I'll probably be up playing Super Smash Brother's all night. Fun fun fun. ¶11:47 PM e-mail me (0) comments Thursday, October 02, 2003 Women are great. Especially when they're made out of plastic. ¶4:46 PM e-mail me (0) comments Wednesday, October 01, 2003 Last night, I went to one of my buddies birthday party. A party. If you know me, you know that me and parties don't get along. I went anyway - this guy really wanted me to be there. I was there. Things got really crazy. Maybe I should say this, but it doesn't really matter; I was the only black person there w/ about 20 whities (I'm not racist...I think that word is funny, besides, you white people are using the word "nigga" more than taking baths these days...um). Anyway, I had several beers. Like 5 canned beer, and a bottle of beer. Then, my buddy made a drink for me. So, I really wasn't talking to anyone. But it was cool. My phobia of parties centers around the thought of constantly talking to people. It's not like that. I met a couple of cool people (I'll get into that later). So the party progressed. My buddy's girlfriend was a little drunk, and so was this other girl. They got a little wild. They took their shirts off and flashed us!!! That was very cool. They gave a couple of guys lap dances. I went over to my buddy and told him it's making me a little uncomfortable to see your girlfriend move around like that, he told me "Yeah, it doesn't matter." What a great relationship...seriously, I mean it. Did I get a boner from it all, yes. I played some pool. Met some more people. Around 3AM, the party was coming to an end. The cool people I was talking about later invited me to their house to smoke some pot. Surprisingly, I said "Sure!" I wasn't pressured or anything. I've just really wanted to try some. I could go into details about how my fucking lungs were burning, and how I felt like I was constantly falling backwards. And FUCK! When you're high, everything is hilarioius! Amazingly funny. It was amazing. It was amazingly amazing. Getting high was pretty fun. I probably won't do it that often. ...but whatever. I stumbled into the dorm room around 4:30AM. Fun fun fun. All I need in this life, is me and my hangover. Just to let you know, this was totally out of character. Will I do it again??? Probably so. But of course, not as frequently as most people are doing it. Plus I was very responsible. SO, as long as you're responsible and DON'T DO STUPID SHIT....everything's cool. ¶6:43 PM e-mail me (0) comments top September 2002 / October 2002 / November 2002 / December 2002 / January 2003 / February 2003 / March 2003 / April 2003 / May 2003 / June 2003 / July 2003 / August 2003 / September 2003 / October 2003 / November 2003 / December 2003 / January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / April 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / August 2006 / October 2006 / December 2006 / April 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / November 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 /
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