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Sunday, December 26, 2004
Merry Fucking ChristmasI hope you guys had a Merry Fucking Christmas. I sure didn't! My mom became a Jehovah's Witness, and my dad is indifferent to religion; vis-a-vis, ergo (watched matrix reloaded again) I didn't really have a Christmas. Ergo, vis-a-vis, it was a day filled with magical singing in the form of moaning and grunts. How many wanks does it take to get to the center of my penis? I actually found out.P.S. - It's 3:40AM in the morning now, and Half Past Dead is on. This has to be the worst movie ever. Ja Rule needs to burn in hell because he is in a helicopter that is crashing down in a prison, as 10 fuckers are shooting at each other with machine guns. What the fuck? Everyone has a goddamn gun, and no one's getting shot. And then there's a chick in black leather shooting and trying to look sexy at the same time. Oh wait, she has 7 guns pointed at her - what do you know, they all fired at her. Talk about overkill. Talk about a wasted cunt. Oh yeah, and Stephen Seagal is in it. That adds about 10 layers of smelly Cambodian ass. They just threw a girl out of a helicopter! OK, 2 helicopters are flying side by side, and a guy in a helicopter had a bomb strapped to him and just blew up. OMG! I'm so fucking tired of crap like this making money *COUGH RESIDENT EVIL 2, BAD BOYS 2* while good movies like Shaun of the Dead are underrated. I hate Hollywood. Ho Ho Ho. ¶3:36 AM e-mail me (0) comments [insert scream] I Hate Mac FlamersMore Jobs BS...I read that post and I just got so infuriated! This is what it says just incase the link doesn't work: I don't think we're seeing trendiness here," Jobs said of the iPod. "I think we're seeing a product that's truly revolutionizing the way we listen to music."Can you believe this fucker? Saying Steve Jobs is stealing other people's ideas since the late 90s without backing it up. And he questions what's so revolutionary about the iPod. My rebuttal (just in case you can't load the post) was: What revolutionary about it? He's talking about a device that is acting as a catalyst for legalized music downloading. That's the revolution, there you go.Yeah, I got long-winded. I got even more pissed off when he had nothing to say about it, and instead started calling us Mac fanboys - which is equivalent to someone calling me a bitch that Steve Job's is exploiting. Fuck that. For me to spend some time making a statement to rebute what he said, and thoroughly explaining myself only to be called a Mac bitch? I was hoping for a nice little debate, but instead I got ignorance. I had 2 more comments before I wrote the granddaddy of all comments - the 2nd of the two was me calling him an asshole, which was me just giving up. But then he just had to say something retarded!!!! I couldn't resist chopping off his balls and putting them in his mouth...by adding yet another comment. I think it's obvious that he's not going to backup his accusations. Most of us made arguments, and backed them up. He responds to our questions by calling us Mac fanboys. I have been trying to actually spark a intellectual conversation with him, but now I see it's pointless. With that said, I'm having a blast making you sound like a retard. Thanks for not responding because it proves you're just saying retardiculous things to piss a lot of people off. (And yes, I know that's not a word.)So yeah, I got a little carried away. Go to that site to check out the progression of comments afterwards, I'm sure they'll be filled with more of me and lots of other people making him sound like a dog with three legs looks. Damn typos! ¶3:02 AM e-mail me (7) comments Thursday, December 16, 2004 The Bag Of PillsOne of my friends was interested in getting viagra pills. He's a healthy guy, he was just worried about how long he could last with his girlfriend. I had found my dad's viagra stash, and I um...borrowed(!) two pills. I gave them to my friend, and he thanked me and took 'em. That was last Summer. I came back for our Thanksgiving break, and when I went to visit him, he told me he really didn't need the viagra pills after-all. He just had the jitters when it came (no pun intended) to pleasing his woman. That's understandable. So, he gave the pills back to me. I was thinking, "whatever man...I'll take 'em back." He had some "sleeping pills" that he told me everyone really loved because they KNOCK YOU THE FUCK OUT for 12 hours. 12 hours of sleeping bliss. He asked me if I was interested in some, and I said "sure." He gave me like 8 of those pills. (These are over-the-counter pills, nothing too illegal.) He handed me a zip lock bag for me to put them all in. I've got a bag full of anonymous pills. Yay.When the break was over, I didn't think too much about the pills. In fact, I didn't remember what I did with the bag! Enter the present. 30 minutes ago. Um, okay I guess it's not the present anymore. Whatever. THE PRESENT: Today when I was getting grub from my parental units, my dad kept saying..."Son, we need to have a man to man talk sometime today." ....What????!!! What could this mean? I'm 20 you know, it's not like I don't know what sex is. I haven't done anything wrong. So, just now, my dad came in my room with a bag a pills. He threw it on my bed, and then shut the door. I was thinking, "OMG...what the hell? Goddammit. Fucking shit. etc." He found the fucking bag. A bag full of anonymous pills. dad: "Son, your mom found this bag in the middle of your floor. Where did you get these pills from?" me: "One of my friends asked if I wanted some pills, and I just said sure. I didn't really care about them." The secret is to tell some of the truth - don't volunteer information. I could have told him I took those two blue pills from his viagra stash, but hell no!! Why say that, when I can tell some of the truth: I got all of those pills from a friend. dad: "When I was younger, I experimented a lot with drugs. But I always knew where they would come from. I never took/smoked/sniffed anything without knowing what it was or trusting who I got them from." That's basically what he said, but he was a lot more blunt about it. He told me exactly what those drugs were, and how frequently he did it. me: "Yeah, I honestly don't do drugs. I've tried marijuana once, and I drink alcohol about every 3 weeks." Again, telling some of the truth. It works. dad: "Well son, I do know what this blue pill is. I told your mom what they are. This is viagra son. You're having ...problems?" me: "No! I haven't taken that stuff ever. [stuttering] I'm healthy. And those other pills are sleeping pills I was told." dad: "Okay. You know, I take viagra sometimes. Sometimes it's hard to get things working." OMG! WTF?!?! Too much information. Aw god. OMG. ::sigh:: dad: "Oh, was that too much information?" I had one of my infamous "Keddaris looks" on my face ...if you're a friend, you know what I'm talking about. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you're nothing to me and burn in hell. me: "Um, yeah. That's a little too much info." dad: "Alright son. If you do decide to experiment, just know exactly what you're taking and what you're getting yourself in to. Do you wanna keep this bag?" me: "Nah, you can keep it." dad: "Alright, I'll get out of here now...bye." me: "Later." Uncomfortable. You know how the dad and the son interact in those American Pie movies? I think I just had one of those moments. Those moments of discomfort and awkward pauses. Horrible, lol. How could I just leave that bag in the middle of the floor?!!?!?! I'm so stupid. There's no place like home. ¶7:15 PM e-mail me (1) comments Sunday, December 12, 2004 How To Kick Ass On Final Exams.I have discovered the secrets to doing good on finals. Never progress through the class without knowing how to do everything that's covered. Never fall behind, and always do your homework. Study in a group of people who are not only majoring in your major, but also share the same level of ambition. As soon as finals get here, keep your studying to a minimal & STOP CARING SO GODDAMN MUCH.This may come as common sense to you (as well as it should), but don't take a class and not know how to do a damn thing. That's the most stupidest thing a student can do. Even more stupid than buying a rubber sex toy and using it without some kind of lube. But unfortunately, I was one of "the stupid" (while taking a class not knowing how to do anything & I used a sex toy without ky jelly...ouch). The professor would start up a new discussion about something, and I wouldn't know what the fuck he was talking about last time. But I always thought to myself: "You know what? I can just learn all of this stuff whenever test time comes." But you know what would usually end up happening? Test time would come around...by that time, I would lack the knowledge of knowing where to begin - I would just blow it off, and make a mediocre grade. After a while, all of the info I lacked would accumulate and BAM!!! I would fuck up on the final exam. Kiddies, don't do this. Take the necessary time it takes to learn how do to everything. Don't let things pile up until it's too late, and you find yourself looking forward to making a C or lower on the final exam. HEY! You're not listening to me are you. DO YOU'RE FUCKING HOMEWORK!!!! These last 2 years have been hell for me. Mainly I would do OK on tests, but then totally bomb on the final exam. I'm such a horrible horrible human being. Don't be like me kids, be like Bill Clinton - do your cunting homework, and one day you'll get a blow job in the oval office. Or be like George "Dubya" Bush - do your cunting homework, and one day you'll disintegrate an entire country killing tons of Americans and civilians of that country in the process. Animals don't do anything but eat, shit, have lots of sex, fight each other, have kids, and then die. Why is it so complicated to be human? I can understand having an education system, but why can't we learn and do our on thing? Would an anarchy be that bad? Nah, nevermind. I guess it would be bad. Someone would have probably killed me because I walked on their property or for some retarded reason like that. No one would live past 33 years old (or how many years old Jesus was when he was whipped, beaten, spat on, and crucified into a bloody pulp....that reminds me, I ordered orange juice today, and it had so much pulp in it, I had to chew the shit up before I swallowed...just like an old dirty prostitute). //rant overIt is essential to study with your peers. It really does help. No! DO NOT STUDY WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS ADD, someone who is more interested in socializing, or someone who is self-centered when it comes to studying with them. If you're trying to explain something to someone, and they act like their listening, but then start masturbating right there in front of you, that's a good sign of ADD - you might want to run away from that person as fast as you can. Don't look back. If you're studying some serious shit that requires a lot of concentration, and then your study partner insists on showing you some flash animation or something on tv (or porn), again...you might want to run away as fast as you can. You might even want to rub the crack of your ass with your index finger and shove your hand in their face as your running away. That always works for me. Why do this? Because you won't get anything done. You'll spend an hour laughing and talking about unimportant shit, instead of studying notes and learning something; as a result, you'll make lower grades & get a lower final exam grade in the long run. Stay away from the self-centered and selfish. "Hey, can you show me how to do this and this and this and this...etc?" And then you show them how to do it. By the time you finally get to review things you want to go over, they're ready to call it quits for the night. FUCK THAT! Those types of people are to be avoided at all cost. They're worst than people with ADD or people who want to socialize. Because when you study with those types of people, you feel as if you're learning a lot, but you're really not. And when test time comes around, they'll make A's and you'll make D's. Take it from me; that really sucks panda tits. A solution to this is to study with someone who as the same ambitions as you. And someone who won't socialize too much. Someone who will not only give you the opportunity to get help, but give themselves an opportunity to receive help. Those are the best kinds of study partners. If all goes well, you're final exams will turn out as they are turning out for me now: GREAT! I'm only spending about 2 hours max studying for each of my final exams, and that's proving to be sufficient enough to make C's or higher, instead of C's or lower. AND COME ON! That's all that's matters. Spend 2 hours max, and stop caring after that. Fuck it! You'll end up doing worst if you stress. Trust me, after 5 semesters, I finally see the light. Stop stressing over stuff. Homework must be done. It's a good thing to have study partners that aren't slackers To fall behind means to not be able to catch up; that's a bad thing. ¶1:54 AM e-mail me (0) comments Monday, December 06, 2004 The Unthinkable Happened Girls with gargantuan breast. Aren't they a thing of beauty? You see this picture of a lovely young lady (who just happens to be naked)? I've been drawing girls like that ever since I was in elementary school. I just love those proportions. LOOK AT THOSE PROPORTIONS!!!!! It seems as if it's impossible right? You're absolutely wrong. In fact, All of a sudden, I had confidence. I don't really know how this spark of coolness occurred, but wow. I was completely comfortable flirting with her. Me of all people, who considers flirting a waste of time. Me of all people, who has never really had a meaningful relationship. Me of all people, who is as perfect as Jesus in terms of not-having-sex yet. I was Mr. Suave. I was Mr. Big Black Cock looking for some action. I was completely being myself, and she was cool about it. She even laughed at all of my awkward dry jokes. (Okay, not all of them because some of them are pretty fucking vague.) Nonetheless, this was my childhood fantasy coming true. It was amazing. I'm not going to go into details out of respect for this chick (no, I don't think calling a girl "chick" is sexist). Let's just say I had a girl in my bed, and it wasn't my niece (please don't misinterpret that). Nothing worth bragging about happened. I'm still a fucking virgin (get it? "fucking virgin"...sigh). If you have the slightest interest in knowing how deep the rabbit hole was (pun intended), IM me about it. It's good to know that I'm capable of captivating a chick for hours without being too nervous. GODDAMN! It's 4:45AM in the morning. Later. ¶4:45 AM e-mail me (9) comments top September 2002 / October 2002 / November 2002 / December 2002 / January 2003 / February 2003 / March 2003 / April 2003 / May 2003 / June 2003 / July 2003 / August 2003 / September 2003 / October 2003 / November 2003 / December 2003 / January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / April 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / August 2006 / October 2006 / December 2006 / April 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / November 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 /
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