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Sunday, August 28, 2005
Dorm Room Stupidity: BedGoddamn. Why the fuck are dorm room doors so fucking uncomfortable? It's about one step above sleeping on the floor - a floor that has the heads of decapitated kittens randomly dispersed and filled with those horrible squeaky toys that are oh so popular among the naturally inept population of the world (kids). You lay on top of it, it takes you damn near 30 min to get comfortable. Meanwhile, as you toss and turn, the squeaks and creeks come at just the right volume and speed that your suitemate(s) and/or roommate(s) would clearly think you're masturbating up there! Thanks. Not only are the beds uncomfortable, but sleeping on one automatically gives you the label of "pervert." Being a pervert is normal for me, but falsely being thought of being one from faulty information at my discomfort is bullshit.And so, being the college elite we are, we all think, "I'LL BUY A PAD TO GO UNDER THERE." The thought that only women would think of up until this moment. So you go to your local Wal-Mart, or "the-Wal-Mart-for-smart-people," Target, and you spend $50+ on some stupid foam pad. All you can think of is, "YES, YES, YES! THIS IS THE SMARTEST MOST PRACTICAL IDEA I HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF." You take it back to your dorm and go thru the tedious monotony of taking off your sheets, laying the foam down, and putting the sheets back on there - hopefully without looking at the directions. "SUCCESS!" So all that day, you're thinking, "I AM SO SMART! ...CAN'T WAIT TO SLEEP TONIGHT." Finally, night comes. You're done watching Adult Swim, masturbating, and (oh shit) homework. You get half naked and then crawl into bed. The first thing you notice (besides the squeaks are still there) is, "OMG, THE BUMPINESS OF THE PAD FEELS AWESOME. I'M SO SMART." Then 5 min in, you slowly began realizing that ALL THAT FUCKING PAD DID WAS ADD MORE FUCKING DECAPITATED HEADS OF KITTENS!! Sure, these heads are smaller and flatter than the old heads, but that doesn't negate the fact that you are still sleeping on blood-dripping heads. "FFFFuck!!!" you think. And FFFFuck indeed. We pay all this money to stay at this cunting dorm, the college makes millions and millions off us, the least they can do is provide us with comfortable beds! I guess we can't blame them for it though. I'm sure there was a time long ago when dorm room beds were actually mattresses. There's always some fagbag who fucks it up for the rest of us and did something stupid - like stab his bed to death to make little compartments for his vast collection of illegal drugs and weaponry (note: I brought a fucking kitana to college w/ me, lol). To that stupid dumbass motherfucker who's probably a senior citizen now, FUCK YOU! I hope you burn in hell you retard old motherfucker. ¶10:55 AM e-mail me (4) comments Tuesday, August 23, 2005 Back to CollegeYeah, college is cool. I'm a senior this year; I feel like an old fart. Honestly, everyone in my dorm is a goddamn freshmen! No offense or anything to all you freshmen out there. The first two days I was here, I got drunk/wasted, I saw one of my good friends for the first time in like 6 months, I got two jobs (Gamestop & library), I paid for shit, downloaded like 50 episodes of various episodes of anime (narutofan.com), and downloaded 10gigs of porn.Living Alone ...Finally Jesus! This is awesome. I have this huge single room all to myself. I even have a fucking balcony I can step out on and study or whatever on there. I've never been in a happier mood at college ever! Being able to masturbate when you want to is medicine for the soul. I'll never miss the feeling I got from jacking off without knowing when my roommate would burst in. NEVER. Though, my reflexes are still dead on! Whenever I hear my suitemates walk close to my door, several times I would quickly discard any evidence (mainly my cock) and then afterwards realize, "Oh yeah, I don't have a roommate." MUSIC! I get to listen to whatever the hell I want to listen to. No more negotiations. TV/GAMES!! It's all up to my discretion. I even get to dress my room up anyway I want to - no matter how "duh" that statement is, it's still fucking awesome. Give me some time to get things settled first. My room is still a mess, and CofC is being a douche bag when it comes to my financial aid, parking permit, and registering for classes. ¶3:56 PM e-mail me (2) comments Thursday, August 18, 2005 Quiz: What Bleach Character Am I? What Bleach Character Are You? Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right. Woo Hoo! I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, the main character. This is an awesome anime series, and I have all of the episodes thus far (1-45). If you're interested in this series, I suggest you go to narutofan.com, pay the measly $3.50, and have access to over 80 anime series for a month - including Bleach & Naruto (duh). Alright, enough plugging. ¶1:14 AM e-mail me (0) comments Saturday, August 06, 2005 Diaper GirlI don't normally post about things I find on the internet, but a good friend of mine happened to stumble upon something that's so absurd I had to put the link up (don't ask me how he found it).hotdiapergirl What the goddamn fuck? what's up guys i'm a 14 year old girl who loves diapers (incase u couldn't tell) i love sports and i play guitar. please leave me a message i'd love to chat. Oh my fuck (omf for short). What the fuck is that stupid dumb girl doing? She's basically broadcasting herself to pedophiles all across the world. You know there some sick hairy-knuckled fat fuck who's pounding his meat to a bloody pulp over these pictures. She's in a goddamn diaper, what the fuck? I don't understand this at all. Here are some of her comments: Hey i think your sexy. My names Larry. Wanna talk some time? My aim is nvrminded u are so fuckd up i think ur cool u think we could talk some time? this must be some sort of a joke right. why the hell would you like diapers. Fetish? do you have a life? Someone needs to put a Jihad on her before she gets raped. Is this what the internet is going to become? Stupid dumb teenie boppers parading around in diapers? All I can say is only in America. Update: The site has been removed. But here's is a cached page from google - HotDiaperGirl. Sorry, the picture is unavailable. I should have downloaded it for offline viewing. No! I'm not a pedophile!!! ¶1:24 PM e-mail me (7) comments Tuesday, August 02, 2005 I HATE GRASSNot talking about mary jane. Spider-man is so goddamn lucky because he gets to smoke Mary Jane everyday, and it doesn't cost him a dime.So I was getting ready to cut the grass (the backyard to be exact), and suddenly I was met with an epiphany of great proportions. Here it comes... I FUCKING HATE GRASS!!! I hate everything about it. Especially the fact that all it does is grow and grow and grow, and everytime that happens, someone's gotta cut it. Someone's gotta get a really big pair of clippers, and cut Earth's fucking hair; otherwise your neighbors and passing bystanders will think your portion of Earth looks like Jennifer Lopez's ass if thick ropes of hair grew out of it. And nobody wants their piece of Earth to look like a hairy-assed chick of any kind for that matter, it's just disturbing. So as for my family's section of Earth, when I'm here trying to relax and take a deserved break from all the trails, tribulations, and tree-smoking of college, they expect my ass to go out there every 1-2 weeks, and shave hair off a girl's ass! Nobody wants to do that! And it's always hot and shit out there. Nooooo, grass doesn't grow during the goddamn winter. It only grows when it's sweltering outside just like lethal bacteria, or a flaccid cock in a sweltering vagina (I like the word "sweltering"), or a dog's guts when you shove it in a microwave and it explodes. The same kind of logic applies to grass. There's absolutely nothing I can do to stop grass from growing (fucking plants with their tendency to grow...what's up with that). Well, I'm done cutting that shit. I'm sitting here, smelling like a hairy-assed girl, and there are little blades of grass all over my exposed skin, so I guess you can say it's a similar texture and composition of the ass of a hairy-assed girl. So what the fuck? I don't want to smell and look like this ever! The only type of person who would get a kick out of being this dirty is a professional hobo; because at this very fucking moment, I'm the cleanest a pro-hobo will every get. If you're a hobo right now reading this, you've gotta be thinking to yourself, "man...Keddaris is living the life, I would give anything to smell like an ass because the best I can do is smelling like shit and piss." Well let me tell you Mr. Hobo, I'm not living the life. How can I be living the life at this very moment when I feel so dead inside. Cutting the grass makes me either homicidal or suicidal, depending on whether I cut the front or back yard (fyi, I'm feeling homicidal). A horrible feeling, a horrible smell, a horrible ragged look - in my eyes, cutting the grass symbolizes the grotesqueness of Hell (if there is a Hell). Think about it. You're out there in a hot, sweltering (Damn I love that word), creature infested environment, riding on a mechanical spawn of satan. How do I know this? Because usually lawnmowers are red (all 4 of ours are red). If you like the color red, or if you're an American Indian, go back to Hell where you belong you fucking demon whore. Note: I don't really have anything against Indians, I just think it's fun how we associate the colors with the different human races. But Keddaris, just cut the grass in the morning so it's not hot ...duh. I have arachnophobia. I'd rather go to this symbolic Hell, then deal with the actual Hell of spiders crawling all over me. Just the thought of that makes my heart beat faster than a premium whore can beat off my cock. But Keddaris, without grass we'd all die because of the decrease in oxygen emissions. Who fucking cares about oxygen first of all, and second all we need are trees. Logically, trees emit the most oxygen. But Keddaris, there's nothing you can do about it. There is a type of grass that grows that you have to cut, and you can't smoke it. You're fucking wrong! You can smoke grass, there just wouldn't be a point. And there's plenty our government could do about this growing problem in America (pun intended, sorry). They could easily genetically engineer grass that only grows up to a certain height. In fact, I'm sure that kind of grass already exists. If they would just stop wasting time over in Iraq and think about this more important issue, things would be better. After all, terrorism only affects the people who died from it, that doesn't even affect 5 percent of the American population. This goddamn grass problem affects atleast 70% of our population. Our government needs to grow some fucking common sense (I'm sorry about that pun too). Massively manufacture grass that only grows 2 inches high, and spread it all around America! Think of all the millions of dollars states would save if it didn't have to pay so freaking much for the gas it takes to cut the sides of the highway. Think of how much gas we would be saving in the long run, if no one ever needed gas to cut their grass! Gas prices would be cheaper because the overall demand would slightly be lowered, thus making us Americans bitch and moan about our increasing gas prices no more. We're so fucking arrogant and childish by the way. In other countries, the average gas prices are extremely higher than what it is over here, yet we bitch and moan when the price goes up a nickel. That's fucking hilarious to me. Anyway, grass fucking sucks and if I had the power to make it all burn away simultaneously killing massive amounts of people because they were engulfed in the fiery depths of a grass-burning Hell ....um, I would. ¶1:01 PM e-mail me (3) comments top September 2002 / October 2002 / November 2002 / December 2002 / January 2003 / February 2003 / March 2003 / April 2003 / May 2003 / June 2003 / July 2003 / August 2003 / September 2003 / October 2003 / November 2003 / December 2003 / January 2004 / February 2004 / March 2004 / April 2004 / May 2004 / June 2004 / July 2004 / August 2004 / September 2004 / October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / August 2006 / October 2006 / December 2006 / April 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / November 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 /
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