Holy Shit

Let me explain what first impressions mean to me. If when we interact for the first time, and you appear "airy" or dumb...I'm not talking to you or I'm not going to be myself around you. If when we interact for the first time, and you insult the fuck out of me...I'm not talking to you or I'm not going to be myself ever around you. "How do I act when I'm not being myself?" Talking to me is like talking to an interactive barney. I respond as if I'm automated. I don't volunteer any information other than what you ask of me. I don't ever share how I feel about things, or what I like or dislike. I show no emotions. I try as hard as I can to avoid communication. I don't want to know anything about you; I don't give a fuck about you. "Talking" to myself is so much more productive than being fake to someone, and forcing communication. If we don't click, we're not going to. If you are reading this, and I've done any of these things to you....that means I don't care about you, and I don't give a fuck about you Leave me the hell alone. Stay in your world, and I'll stay in mine. More...

I only push myself into socializing with someone only if there's something to be gained - either I could get a little closer to understanding human nature, or because the person is just so different from me that it opens my eyes to a totally new way of viewing the world. If you stand all my good friends side by side, you'd find that all of them are completely different from the other. I am such a philosophical person. LOL (yes, I'm laughing to myself), I tend to say some pretty crazy pointless stuff...but they're all valid. If you hear me saying some retarded shit that doesn't make sense, congratulations! You are officially a close friend; a person I feel totally comfortable around! You should pat yourself on the back. Trust, experiencing me in such a goofy and crazed state is a rarity, and only happens to people I feel could either give me a closer understanding of human nature, or just open my eyes to a totally new way of viewing the world. You're special. You're not just a cliché. I've made attempts to act like that openly to everyone, but I would just get offended by them. In other words, they would be laughing at me instead of with me. More...

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